the emptiness is so big that it is suffocating me. if i had some way to kill myself here, i would.

i am alone and i am tired of the lies people tell me and i tell myself.

it does not get better.

i am sorry they lied to you.

I see now that I only ever had two options.

Have a relationship with the people who raised me and who - were, are - supposed to love me unconditionally, or suffer and burn and hold everything in.

I am tired of pretending. I am tired of faking.

I am tired.