Done.

I am the fixer, the peacekeeper, the solutionist, the person who makes sure people don't kill each other or hate each other forever.  I am the person who buries it all inside, who only shows emotion to a few people (read: my mom and a friend I don't even know in real life (who knows who she is)), who makes sure everyone is happy at her expense.

Today a boy who has been rude to me had his mom send an e-mail to mine.  Or something of that nature.  Honestly whatever happened it was the mom sent mine an e-mail because of a fight that is between ME AND THAT BOY.  All I did was get advice from my mom.  She sent no e-mails, no anything.  Just gave me some advice.

My mom suggested I tell his friends what's happening.  What did I tell her?  I told her that I wouldn't because I didn't want him to lose his friends or have them be angry at them.

I'm never someone who wants to hold her friends back.  I encourage them.  If they want to sit by someone else, fine.  I do have my jealousy issues.  I will admit this.  I'm far, far, far from perfect.  However, I'm not about to hold my friends back.  I'm the one who suggests friendships, who opens up the doors for friends (as best as I can).

And yet, here it is.  I'm being blamed for something not my fault.  It is all falling apart.  It seems everything I've done for everyone doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter that I give and give and give.

It doesn't matter that I never blame people, that I always am willing to give people a chance.  It doesn't matter that I would die for a stranger and never want someone else hurt, ever!  Doesn't matter that I always behave.  None of this matters.

All that matters is that I'm easy to blame.  Yes, that's right.  This self-sacrificing goody-two-shoes always solves her problems (and other people's too).  But I'm always the one people talk to.  "Stop doing that," they say to me, because I don't sit by the side and stay silent.  I state my opinions and that means I do fight with people.  I stand up to bullies.

And oh, what happens?  I get told to stop.  I get told to fix it.  I get told to be the bigger person.

Well screw it.  I'm done.

If anyone wants to be my friend still, that's your effing business.  Figure it out yourself.  Because me?  I'm done with the effort it takes to maintain this stuff.  I'm done with the effort it takes to smile and then just help someone out.  I'm done with the effort it takes to make and keep friends.  I've done it all my damn life, and it hasn't payed off.

Your turn.

A View into the Past, and Organizing Crap

So occasionally I go on a brief little 'organization' kick.  It can be with my computer desk or stuff on the floor of my room.  It's likely to be the various things I have in folders on my computer, or in different places that allow for folders.  Stuff like that.
However, I always end up getting distracted.  Which is interesting.  I get to see old things, from poetry to little conversations with my friends.

Though when I end up doing it for about an hour, clearly I've been doing it for too long xD

Still, it's an interesting peek into the past.  Some of it makes me want to grown and hide my face in shame, and others make me go "did I actually write that?"

Ahh, the little things xD

The Wonderful Things About Writing

As I'm sure you can assume, I am a writer.  I am also very partial to scifi and fantasy (though I prefer fantasy to scifi; still, they are ridiculously similar).

This post was inspired by this:

Ah, yes, writing.  There are also many more inventions that were inspired by science fiction.  In the future, there may be an invisibility cloak, and it's about darned time that they're getting close to creating a hover board.  (read here for more).  Future inventions and past, the imagination of authors has inspired so many of these.  It starts with the idea; the idea that is written down.

Even fantasy ideas can come to life.  As an author, I may be the one who inspires that next brilliant invention that, decades from now, people can't imagine living without.  But it's not just the ability to inspire others that makes writing so great.

As I'm a fantasy writer (and occasionally delve into scifi), I create worlds.  I get to come up with unique species, stories, people, histories - all of that.  I am creating something brand new.  And as a reader, I get to experience other people's words (and even become inspired by them in ways I write!)

Writing is one of the most fantastic ways to express yourself.  And it has some of the most fantastic results.  There is nothing like diving into someone else's world, or immersing yourself in one of your dreams.  I know a lot of my stories come from dreams that I have.

I mean, when it comes to writing, there is absolutely nothing like it.  When you read, you can go all over the world and through a couple dozen dimensions, without ever leaving your seat at home.  When you write, you are the person who controls where you go; you have a power.  It's part of the appeal of Sims and many other games; the control of who-knows-where.

And who knows?  Maybe that short story you posted somewhere... You never know when it might give someone an idea for the next great invention.

Well It's Been a While Since I've Done This...

My absolute favorite song by Taylor Swift.  It is amazing and beautiful.  Enjoy.

I Know Why They Die

Last night I was gazing at the sky, and a star shot across it,
Headed to some impossible place I cannot comprehend,
A meteorite burning in the atmosphere,
But it never lands.

A week ago, to the hour, I was sleeping in the sun,
I tossed and turned, could not comprehend,
Why what happens, happens,
Why we cannot escape.

But last night a meteorite gave me this quiet, little answer,
When I made a wish, which is just a prayer,
And I felt safe, and at peace, and it was wonderful,
All is fair.

Two years ago, I held her dying in my arms, as she was unable to move,
Black fur was just an overcoat on an empty shell.
I thought then there was no rhyme or reason,
That Earth... was really hell.

Last night as I watched the flickers of the remaining bits of dust,
Lighting the night in a fireworks display soft and quiet,
I realized a truth and I fell to my knees,
I couldn't keep it private.

Why good people die young is because of reasons humans cannot comprehend,
But occasionally I think we can just slightly understand,
For last night I came to the discovery,
That each death is carefully planned.

The best are always taken from us early, so we can barely experience their light,
But that's okay, they're still around, checking in,
They are unable, incapable, as in life,
They could never sin.

Last night the meteorite told me the answer, whispered I know why they die,
And I will tell you that they are far too good to stay on Earth,
So they become angels, loving us, guiding us, instead,
For the weak they search.

Tomorrow I will wake up with the rising sun, and I will tilt my head and smile,
And I will wave at the angels that are flying, soaring all about,
Taken from us on Earth to do the most magnificent of duties,
And in joy I will shout.

Yes, I know why they die, it gives me peace of mind,
To know they are doing grandiose things,
Twenty-four hours they are working, but they haven't forgotten us,
Checking in on us, our hands, our dreams.

So next time you see a shooting star cry out your wish to know,
The meteorite will tell you, no price will it take from you,
And you will understand as I do that they are taken from us because
Their hearts are the purest truth.

okay

Okay, okay,

give me some faith I thought I had it all figured out

for me, in my own way, the way I wanna believe.

Okay, okay,

I thought wishes that maybe it might come true tomorrow,

that it’d be magic, electric, I’d be where I wanna be.

Okay, okay,

I can admit I was wrong I’ll fall to second place,

second base and second heart the second wind ain’t comin’.

Okay, okay,

been falling apart for a while now, trying to scream out,

but though it’s heard people never take the time to listen.

Okay, okay,

so I have a lot of wants and wishes, I dream big,

but is it so much to ask for the solid stone I see in movies?

Okay, okay,

I’ll lie and I’ll smile and say I’m fine, day by day, one step at a time,

you can make anything beautiful after a whole lot of time.

Okay, okay,

I just wanna be okay.

Personality Quiz!

Yahoo.

Lol the ironic thing is I'll have to wait to see it myself to see my results xD
(I bet it's something like 'healer' though.
it better be something like 'healer' >:K)