Youtube, Man...

Anyone who has been on the internet for more than a day knows that comments are possibly the best thing to ruin any bit of joy you've collected over a day.

This lovely video had people saying that it would be better that this happy, mostly-healthy boy was aborted.  They said that he will suffer his whole life, that the mother was selfish, that he'd have a million issues and never be independent.

They just wanted to push an agenda.  Seriously.

A friend of mine - who unfortunately I've lost contact with - is legally blind.  She was adopted by a blind single mother.  They don't just function, they thrive.

Thousands of children have cleft lips or cleft palates that are far more severe than what this baby boy has.  They get the surgery they need and grow up independent and fine.

He will be bullied.  We all get bullied.

But he will grow up fine.

And I am eternally grateful that this bundle of joy and pure miracle was not aborted, because he will be independent one day, he will live a worthwhile life, he will explore the world and learn to love it.  This boy will grow up just fine - and be an inspiration.




My first thought?  Poor girl.
And after that, a deep admiration for a family who struggles to take care of her.  Because I get it, I do.  Mental diseases are not easy.
And people will fill your ears with lies about it.

In the comments people said she was possessed by demons and needed the light of God.  And then people said that God was terrible because He gave this to her.

No.  Both are incorrect.  She has a lengthy list of disorders that she will need to figure out and to function with.  The title says schizophrenia, but anyone who is taken a psychology class (*bows*), done their research (*bows*), or has schizophrenia (not me) knows that those other disorders are definitely a big part of it.

She needs medication, therapy, and the wonderful support she clearly has from a loving mother and an older sister who's struggling to understand her, despite fear of a child that can be violent.

This is not a matter of "cut the crap" and she needs an "ass whooping" (also in the comments).  She's suffering and she's struggling.

Be sympathetic, not hateful.

Who are we to judge another?

soldiers in war

count the soldiers of this army, m'dear,
we're shaking hands and broken hearts,
practically giving up before the battle begins.
you can count the death tolls if you wanna take years,
more die than ever live.

wipe your tears away, m'dear,
that's okay there's no shame,
you don't need a dry face.
you can count the scars, the battle wounds,
but they're everywhere.

this is a war we're fighting, m'dear,
and so many people do not understand.
there is isolation in a crowd,
loneliness because no-one knows what this is about;
our war is fought in shadows and lies.

don't worry, we're all fine, m'dear,
you don't have to take care,
nobody's walked on eggshells for us before.
people don't understand what it's like
to be unable to change our own fates,
the judgement burns like flames.

don't blame someone for choosing the ice, m'dear,
there's nothing wrong with given up this fight;
most of us are damned from the start,
it's a miracle and a half to survive.
not everyone gives up.

count the soldiers of this army, m'dear,
we're shaking hands and broken hearts,
attempts at suicide.
you can see us by the dull look in our eyes,
you cannot save a doomed life.

wipe your tears away, m'dear,
don't cry for us, we cry enough,
we'll fill the world with a river too high to swim.
maybe one day the world will see
we're people too, fighting a terrible disease.

songs

yup.

(Sociology) Final Reflection: Sociology is Bull--- Wait, Wrong Subject

Sociology class was interesting.  To say the least - or perhaps the most.  Yeah… Anyway.  The class itself wasn’t the problem; I enjoyed most of the subject matter, though the requirements of annotation was ridiculous.  A 90% brings down your grade while a 100% doesn’t.  I mean, a 90% is certainly better than having, say, a 70%, but if I’m putting in more effort in annotations than I usually do I would like that to be reflected… Yeah… The requirements could have been better at the very least.

Not to say I didn’t enjoy the readings; I certainly did.  They were pleasant, and I learned a lot from them.  It was also nice to have, say, “warning” of what we were going to learn, and they certainly facilitated conversation.  I liked participating in these, and it gave me a view of people who were otherwise quiet or just plain goofballs.  It probably made sociology tolerable instead of absolutely unbearable.  The discussions were definitely a highlight.

The class, overall, was fairly easy.  I was glad it was; it was certainly fitting.  For juniors and seniors, there should be that option of AP = hard and normal = easy.  After all, we’re almost done with the hellhole called school 12 years of torture basic public schooling, and having the option to be a little lazier isn’t going to kill us.  I mean, as long as everyone knows what they’re getting into.

I think I would have enjoyed this class more if it weren’t for the other students.  It was a pain to deal with them and certainly not all that enjoyable for me.  Most of them were quiet, of course, and some of them were even - miracle - friendly.  But the few who weren’t made the experience so much worse than it should have been.  It was just a small handful, but I really don’t appreciate seeing satanistic symbols drawn on the board or having to see a “dick rocket”.

At least someone tried to make it… not a penis.  But it was a dick rocket.  Which wasn’t much better.  Anyway.  I don’t appreciate being cat-called either; I mean, how rude can you get?  I’m a slight feminist - though not much of one, and certainly not the kind that think “women > men” - and I am strongly against objectification of anyone.  So why do men do this to women?  Not like we’re free of blame, of course, but it’s still absolutely ridiculous.

As for the subject matter itself… Well, I’m pretty sure I have norms and culture down pat.  I mean, there’s a few things I forget, but for the most part I know what I’m talking about.  Norms are everywhere; you go to the bathroom and, boom, NORMS.  You walk down the hall and run into norms.  Norms… everywhere.

It’s fun to think about - another highlight of sociology.  Thinking about the way we follow norms, the way we interact in groups… Taking this class and psychology has certainly given me a lot to think about, and has helped me to learn about normal human behavior.  Humans are weird, strange things to say the least; but we are endlessly fascinating and entertaining.

The reflections kind of sucked, though.  The requirements were a bit long, and though I’ve thus far been able to fill it up, I’ve also used some space-wasting techniques (cough) whenever I opt to type the paper instead of handwrite it.  I mean, the word count is about the same because typing comes out to be a lot smaller than messy and haphazard writing on even college-rule (let alone wide-rule) paper, but making it “three pages” is ridiculous - and more difficult than it sounds.

I think maybe cutting the minimum slightly is a good idea.  Most of our reflections were two pages; making those, say, one and a half minimum would be nice for those typing.  And for this three-page one, maybe making it only two pages.  Or just changing the required amount for those, who like me, opt to type it up because it’s easier and more efficient.  Seriously; doing three pages on Word/GoogleDocs is an entirely different world from three pages handwritten on wide rule (alas, the pretty notebooks do not come in college rule :() paper.  Well, maybe not ‘world’ - not like they’re worlds away or anything.  But the experience is very different, and it honestly ends up being more difficult to add enough BS and space-waste tactics as to not spend forever-and-a-day typing something.

Yes, I know, I use BS and space-waste tactics.  I’ve used it for this and I’ve used it for other papers.  A good thing about these reflections, however, is that I can talk in a much more informal manner; this thought-to-paper style allows me to use less BS and less space-waste tactics that there’s actually some stuff in here that’s full of deep thoughts.  Yay!

I think the most important thing I’ve learned in this class has absolutely nothing to do with sociology and everything to do with life.  I’m a very passive person, that eventually just goes boom and explodes into an angry ball of fury and hate.  Er, metaphorically speaking.  That’d be cool if I could do that in real life, though…

ANYWAY.  This passivity isn’t very beneficial; I often let others walk all over me.  However, when I deal with people I genuinely don’t like, I become much less passive and much more aggressive which usually turns into passive-aggressiveness though every so often it becomes straight-on aggression.  The thing is, though, I need to stand up for myself.  When I informed people of what was going on - after being dragged to the dean’s for an offhand comment about shooting people, when I’m not violent and have no access to guns - stuff happened.

And people complained about it, certainly, which was somewhat embarrassing.  I felt bad for making people who had nothing to do with it become involved.  But the fact of the matter is, it got stuff done - it made things better.  Too late in the semester for me to return to caring about the class, but things did change.

Of course, it wasn’t a perfect change.  The boys who were douchebags were still douchebags; but at least they weren’t drawing things on the board anymore.  And class became… less fun.  Which was disappointing.

Still, it helped me understand some things about myself that I think are key.  Or maybe not about myself but about things in general.  I don’t really know how to phrase what I know now.

When people are behaving inappropriately or cruelly, it’s everyone’s business.  You can’t back out because you’re not (skin color); you can’t let it slide because you’re not (gender); you can’t be less mad because you’re not (sexuality).  You have to be pissed off, you have to fight back, and you can’t let it slide.

There’s a difference between turning the other cheek because someone has wronged you and not defending yourself or others.  Martin Luther King turned the other cheek, but he defended himself; he was core to the civil rights movement.

You can’t simply let it go when someone does something wrong.  You have to speak up.  You speak up softly, you speak up kindly, and you explain patiently; but you cannot stand silent.  Silence leads to inequality, racism, and bigotry.

I think that’s the biggest thing sociology can teach us.  To not be silent, to not be cruel, but to gently and patiently speak up for what’s right.

Fears and Bad Typing

Most people start making typoes when they are tired or excited.

And then there's me.

Fear makes me type terribly to the point where you can't decipher my words.

excuse me while I never go to bed because I THINK THERE'S BUGS EVERYWHERE AND THE PARASITES ARE GONNA KILL ME AAHHHH ---

*phobias*

*irrational fears*

*nono I am fine*

POOOEEEMMM

i am a fire.
there is something in me that burns so fiercely,
i term it compassion - not kindness,
because it is passion and it is love and it is charity.
i am burning, burning hot,
feeling overwhelmed by my own intensity -
do not read my inner thoughts I think
hard and strong and often;
i will crash with my mind into obstacles
and i will move mountains because I can.

i will embrace my demons and devils
the monsters inside of me because they are not different -
they are me, i am them, i will fight
to be compassionate and kind but i will not,
I will not ever forget my roots, the story -
the monsters that i am.
i am foolish, prone to mistakes, but i am more
than what you've said i am,
I am a fire and i am wild and violent
and also kind and gentle and frightened.

faith is a stranger,
an unusual thing,
rising up like smoke and mist;
it captures, it contorts, it
takes a deep breath and I
forget out to breath -
it is hope it is love it is wonder,
i will wonder at the world that is so beautiful -
so unbelievable beautiful my breath gets caught and I
find myself catching the breeze and running
into another eternity.

Unstatistic

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/threads/suicide-leaves-behind-nothing/
I was reading this for where these ideas come from.

----

Suicide is absolutely brave, somewhat selfish, and the sign of a broken person.

As someone who has both contemplated and attempted suicide, let me tell you: it is not an easy choice.  It is one where you debate, and think, and wonder.  You have to determine whether the fact you are a burden is worse than the fact people love you.

Depression clouds the mind.  You do not think straight.  You are a burden, you do not question this.  You question whether you are loved.  It gets to the point - at least it did for me - where every time someone is not happy, content, with you they must hate you.  There is no in-between; it becomes horribly, horribly black and white, in the absolute worst way.
And then it becomes black and gray: they either hate you or dislike you.  There stops being love.  Despair rises.

Depression clouds the mind; you are miserable, miserable.  You could have a million dollars, be surrounded by family and friends, but there is no joy.  There is no happiness, there is only pain and worry and empty eyes that have lost any soul or spirit.  Moving is impossible.

Depression's worse course is apathy.  Suicide?  Suicide is breaking.  Apathy is destruction.  It is the point where you lay and bed.  You stop caring - you stop caring about life, about yourself, about others.  You stop caring about pain.  You become completely, utterly emotionless.  If someone gave you food and made you eat you'd eat.  If they pulled you out of bed you'd get out of bed.  You don't care enough to live or die.  It is amazing.  And then it starts sucking, big time.

Anger and hate and rage; these are what come first when you rise from the apathetic shithole of your mind.  Not even sadness; no, it's self-hate and anger at the world as you rage and scream.  But it feels so good, so different from the lack of caring.

Happiness comes last, and it is brief and short and flickering.  It is easily forgotten.  It is the least of your emotions, and sadness, pure misery, the most.

By people saying that those who commit suicide are scared, by saying they do nothing for the world, by saying that suicide is a good thing - they are all wrong.  You're missing the point.

Suicide is the ultimate compilation of pain, alongside apathy and numbness.  Either one is so beyond emotions anyone who has not attempted or contemplated suicide can understand; let alone those who actually die from suicide.

You are alone.  You are not scared.  You are in a black pit of despair by yourself where nobody would help you.  Selfishness is not suicide; selfishness is the people who do not help the ones in this pit up, who do not allow them their sadness at times and at other times trying to make them smile and remember that they can be happy and misery is not eternal.

But suicide is, in and of itself, a selfish act.  It is not selfish, I say, and at the same time I say that it is.  Because the people you leave behind will hurt, but also you cannot take it any more.

And for those of you so lost in this mess, this hellhole, look up.  Suicide is a terrible thing.  It has become a statistic.  It is not moving mountains as it should; it does not cause change except to lose the people we want in the world.
An early death is a horrible death, whether from suicide or cancer.  An early death is always caused by an incurable disease or terrible accident, and it is always always sad.  Old age?  Death of old age?  It's sad but at least they lived as long as they could.

Do not tell me that suicide is good; but neither can you tell me that suicide is caused by fear and that it is awful.

When you're there, when you're in that black pit, sometimes it's the only option.

We need to make suicide an unstatistic and a meaningful act.