For A Friend

I don’t know you that well; I know you as “Wolf Mounds” which sounds really quite silly if you say it aloud but I mean hey, it’s a name.

I hope 12pt Times New Roman is pleasant enough, and that it won’t be completely ruined when transferred to my blog.

I am excited to see words as you see them, colored specifically instead of the way I imagine it;

I love the idea of brown looking orange, the way the words twist and comprehend and redefine themselves because everything is different.

I can imagine, I can dream, and certainly I see in my mind’s eye colors of my own -

But imagine if it were bright, always recolored all the time!

(For those of you who aren’t the recipient of this poem,

The man called “Wolf Mounds” is a roleplay partner,

Who happens to have synesthesia.)

I do believe in education, the freedom of information, and what glorious path the words take now that we have such an ability to share what we write.

Anyway, thanks for putting up with my tendency to write, and my want to see things the way you see them;

I hope this provides enough variety of color, that for the brief process of reading this poem,

People can see things just a little differently.

You never know exactly how you’ll change the world.

Some additional information: The aforementioned "Wolf Mounds" has synesthesia. His name is based off of Indian mounds, which are as he explained basically mounds of dirt Native Americans made in a variety of shapes. So a... wolf mound!

He is also autistic and has a degree in archeology (which is the artifacts, as opposed to paleontology (dinosaur bones) or anthropology (human remains). He works for home writing instruction manuals for things :P

So all in all he's a really cool guy of awesome and if you ever get the chance to meet him appreciate the fabulousness!

(also please note that the colors are approximations and not exact due to the limits of a computer versus a human mind)

Education

I whole-heartedly believe in the wonders of education.  You'll hear me lament the American school system, and other education school systems, to high heaven, but believe me I am overwhelmingly grateful that at least there is some education and learning provided.  Even if it's done in the wrong way and not near enough as for what we need.

But I guarantee you if the world was educated it would solve 90% of the world's problems.  And the correct type of education - encouraging individuality, providing for different ways of learning and different talents, and providing facts especially within history and very much so with science - would solve the remaining 10%.

If the world was educated, slavery would be eradicated.  Poverty would drop and practically disappear.  Unemployment rates would be almost non-existent.  It wouldn't happen overnight, but it would happen within the lifetime of the millennial generation (assuming universal education started now).

I am a proponent of education.  I believe that everyone should do their research, especially now: the internet is the most amazing invention because of the free access of information (or misinformation, such as the case may be).  Google brings up results in the first page.  Wikipedia allows everyone to share their ideas.

Learning is just a click away.  So for the sake of ending slavery, poverty, and unemployment, get educated.  Learn.  And then, when you've learned, create a new solution to one of the world's many problems.

Education is the first step to a better world.

A Follow Up On Relative Ethics

There is no such thing as relative ethics.

At your very basic, you must, must, must have a universal of compassion.

Nothing can exist without compassion.

This thought comforts me.

We'll be fine.

Philosophy Needs To Go Die in a Hole

RELATIVE ETHICS.

It is the shittiest concept ever and try as you might, you become unable to disprove it.  Certainly you can "disprove' an individual's relativity, inasmuch as "oh if an individual determines ethics than we don't need police!"
which can then be refuted with:
"well what if two ethics come in conflict with each other?  A third set of ethics can solve the problem or at least lean one way or another."
yeah.
(unbiased anything is a lie, so don't go there xD)

And then you get to cultural relativity.  Spartans in Ancient Greece believed that stealing was morally correct; an African tribe in these modern days still believes that stealing is a moral thing.
How in the world are you supposed to deal with that?

Absolutely there must be a higher power of which ethics come from.  I am inclined to say God (but as my teacher said, "what about an Islamic terrorist saying 'my God says to kill people'", which one is right?), my creative writing teacher might say the "universe", but either way there has to be an absolute of ethics.

Except.
There's no way to prove this.
Or any of it, really.

So ethics are therefore relative, you determine your moral compass, and I cannot mentally cope with this.  At all.

So right now I am depressed, wanting to die, and majorly anxious and stressed out to the point where I am shaking and struggling to focus on anything.

I hate philosophy class.  Despise it.
I should probably drop out.

I Worry

I can worry a groove into this floor,

I can pace back and forth for years,

I see myself, a future widow,

Waiting for someone to come home.

I am on thick carpet, carving a path,

It is new it is strange I am lonely and empty,

The worth inside of me raises its head

And goes back to sleep.

I fret too much, I worry about the broken souls I carry on my shoulders -

They don’t even know how much their happiness means to me.

I worry that tomorrow he will not wake up;

I worry that tomorrow she will forget how beautiful she is.

I feel like I am not precious,

And I am counting the days, holding them to my heart,

Waiting for him to realize his mistake,

And break my heart -

Which I would happily let him do

Because that is the cost of love, my happiness for his.

I worry that I am a burden,

After all I am lazy and I procrastinate.

I pace this wooden floor, back and forth,

‘Til I wear away a board and fall down

Into a pit of despair.

I am counting pennies, hoping

That I have enough for this next cost,

Worrying that I will regret it -

I regret so much in life.

“Live with no regrets!” I cry,

And I try to follow it, I do -

But I regret so much.

I worry I am a hypocrite,

That the words that come from my mouth don’t match my actions -

I know already that I do not practice what I preach,

That the darkness inside of me has swallowed me,

When I claim to be happy.

I worry that someone will see through my mask,

That my words will fall to pieces,

And in the echo of my love and hate,

I will be stripped bare, red and raw,

And I cannot gather myself together in time,

To pretend in continuation that I am fine.

I worry that the ones I love the most do not see my flaws;

Why, I wonder, do they not abandon me?

A fitting punishment for a torn creature,

I can do no pain when they do not stay.

I am not strong enough to push them away.

I worry about the damage I cause,

When in anger I lash out,

And all I get in response is understanding,

How can they not see,

That everything is wrong with me?

I worry that my words are too personal,

Or not personal enough.

I worry that nothing I do is good enough,

What sort of carried cost can I rise?

I worry that Ingrid Michaelson and Dia Frampton

Are not enough to keep the pain at bay;

I sing along with  my favorite songs,

But when I hurt, I despair.

I worry about how selfish I am -

I know I go too far.

I’m glad, at least, that I don’t hate myself for selfishness anymore,

But I still feel such a bitter chokehold,

I cannot understand.

I worry that when all is said and done,

The world will see through my lies.

“I’m fine” means something more along the lines of

“I’m breaking, but I’m making it”.

After all - I make my day,

You fake it until you make it,

I have to make it one day.

I worry that this is not good enough,

The baring of my soul,

But this is all I can do,

Poetry is all I’ve ever known.