Monday, June 18, 2012

Games and Thoughts

Air Pressure
An open ended game.  Draw your own conclusions of what it could be.  Read carefully, look through the subject.  Getting all three endings (in my first three plays, woot!) and reading all the comments, I still don't know what the subtext is.  A very... sad, sort of game, it definitely touches your emotions.  Worth playing.

Grace's Diary
Not as obscure as Air Pressure, this focuses on Teen Dating Abuse.  The website that hosts it is mentioned very jarringly in the game, so fair warning...
Anyway, definitely worth getting all three endings.  It's pretty clear what's going on, but the emotions... oh, goodness.

Now that I've thrown out the games that have lead me to the thoughts I shall now describe... well, I'll describe the thoughts. (redundancy(sp?) and improper grammar for the win)
If there was a spoiler button I'd put it here... Play the Air Pressure before reading the rest of the post.  I don't want to do anything to change/ruin Air Pressure for you.  Play it before reading!!!!!

One person said that Air Pressure detailed depression.  It's an "excuse" to be sad and once you free yourself of it you can be happier.  No.  It is an honest-to-goodness mental disease.  There's many types of depression, seasonal, situational, clinical, etc.  I have clinical depression, and having inherited it from my dad, trust me, I know plenty about it.
My dad loves my mom; my mom loves my dad.  And yet my dad nearly destroyed this family.  He didn't want to.  He tried.  But there was a demon in him, and he lost it.  Depression also is more then just sadness.  In the case of both myself and my dad, it's anger.  For me, I'm angry at myself - I don't tend to get angry at other people.  For my dad, not only is he angry at himself, he spreads that out.
And oh, my goodness.  You want to be happy.  You are desperate to be happy.  Except you aren't.  Except it's not as simple as you want it, as you need it to be.
Depression is a serious mental disease.  It is not an "excuse".  It is not something you can just "be free of".  Even depression that isn't a disease is a serious issue.  If you're depressed, it's not a matter of freeing yourself; it's a matter of getting the help you need now.  If it's weeks after your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you, and you're still moping around, not wanting to do stuff, that is a serious issue.
Depression isn't anything YOU cause.  It is literally a misfire in your brain.  You can't just free yourself of it, no matter what type it comes in.  Air Pressure does not describe depression.  Abusive relationship, drug addiction, cutting, sure.  But depression?  No.  You just can't simply be free of it.  You can get the help you need, sure.  But many people have to take medication, because you can't just say, "K, I want to be happy."
I wish I could.  I wish I could say, "I want to be happy" and be happy.  But it isn't that easy.  So many times I want to be happy... There's a destructive cycle I constantly go down.  I'm unhappy.  I get frustrated with myself for being unhappy.  I get angry for being frustrated with myself.  I hate myself because I need to forgive myself.  I hate myself for hating myself.... and on and on it goes.  I want to be happy, and in many times I can.  But there's many cases where I can't be happy.... and many cases where I don't want to be happy and hate myself for not wanting to be happy.
(If I roll in self-pity I despise myself for it.  Seriously.  And then I get all angry at me because I hate me and... you can pretty much apply the destructive cycle for any negative feeling I get.)
Depression is a serious and very real disease that you can't just "get rid of".  It's a serious and very real problem that requires getting help.  Don't push it to the side.

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