Friday, August 28, 2015


you don't let me feel anything
for heaven's sake, rach, calm down
because of your temper fit you have to do all of them now
even a retard can do it
it's so simple

pressing down, words she says,
as if they're supposed to brush off,
as if i'm supposed to be okay,
but how can i be?

i'm supposed to be so strong
the one who comforts all the rest
if i killed myself,
she'd let herself die;
he'd have nothing to hold on to.

i'm 18 years old
i shouldn't be responsible for anyone
no-one but me.

so i've made half-assed promises,
and these are the only ones i regret
that i won't go out seeking scars
that i won't play with my life.
i wish i never made them.

it seems i get the bad deal.
every single time.
i'm the one to apologize.
i'm the sturdy rock,
i don't let them fall.

i wrap myself in layers,
and then i crack and feel.
and at the sadness everyone runs away from me.

how hard is it to let myself open up
at the only times i can
2 people in the entire world
who actually care about
and miles away, miles away,
so far i can't touch them once.

i get that she has to be a mom
she has to raise me up
but i'm 18 now and i'm trying so hard
to be everything an "adult" needs to be
plus all the bits and pieces that are me.

it never matters, does it?
i can try so much optimism,
but from other people come the negativity.

all i can find in me
is hatred of myself
and pure misery.

they have it so much worse than me
and here i am, wallowing in self-pity.
i will never achieve anything.

i'll die young, and stop wasting space.
i'll die young, and stop being worthless.

but death scares me,
because i'd have to deal with afterlife.

i wish i could be nothigness.
never feel, never know.
just gone, poof, and in the only way to be okay.

i'll die young, and break hearts.
i wish i wasn't responsible
for other people's happiness
for other people's life.

i'll die young, and this anxiety
and hatred
will all go away.

no more worries, no more stress,
no chance of it getting better -
but then, if i'm dead, it can't get worse.

i'm useless.
i'm worthless.
i don't help anyone.
i'm broken.
i'm hateful.
i'll say my good-byes.

no more responsibility.
no more freedom.
no more fears
no more hope
that's my paradise.
that's my heaven.

so please, god, let me feel nothing.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I Would Hate Atheists Too If I Didn't Meet Decent Ones First

G. Erwin:
"It's not about People 'not wanting' believe in Religion. Nor do Atheists "believe there's no God". That's like ' A belief there's no Easter bunny or Atlantis" or "Believing there's is not a Thor, Odin, or Baal". I'm sure many want to believe in supernatural spirits and some religion's promise of an afterlife. But cannot due to their critical thinking skills, logic, Scientific knowledge. Or even from understanding and historical and archaeological evidence that conflicts with many of the myths.
Again, It's the religious that are trying to erode the Separation of Church and State by teaching Creationism as science in public school or using tax $$ to erect 10 commandments and other religious monuments in government buildings. Atheists trying to stop these by is not 'forcing their beliefs' on anyone. Bible stories belong in literature, theology, or philosophy class. NOT taught as Science."

"I am not going to address your second part because meh.
"I'm sure many want to believe in supernatural spirits and some religion's promise of an afterlife. But cannot due to their critical thinking skills, logic, Scientific knowledge."
Not okay.
Plenty of scientists are religious.  Plenty of people, from all walks off life, who have critically thought through these things and ended up with belief in whatever they want.
Also polytheist religions, such as Norse, still exist (albeit a lot smaller than the 7 main religions and even atheism).  So you need to NOT diss people by claiming atheism is the stance of the thinker and the intelligent person.  It's not.
Because I guarantee you there are religious people far more intelligent than you.  Also more tolerant and kinder.
Not okay, dude.  You are the atheist in this video.  Don't be that atheist.  Be the atheist who is "this is what I believe.  I think you should believe it too.  Oh, you're happy in your beliefs?  Okay!  We can still hang out."
Because honestly, that's how everyone should be.  Chill and kind and okay with other people's beliefs."

G. Erwin:
""That Atheist in the video..." was an ACTOR. You're wrong. Very few Scientists are religious. Even so, most of those are secular. Again, Atheism IS NOT A BELIEF! As I was explaining, but you got your panties in a wad and started with the insults. I was not being intolerant by responding to a "Atheists don't wanna believe..." comment. I'm using actual reasons that most atheists claim for losing their faith and/or rejecting religion. You are 'dissin' Atheism with that silly 'belief' nonsense. Rejecting Faith & Religion is not a Belief. Learn to READ. Speaking of intelligence, part of being intelligent is the ability to COMPREHEND WHAT ONE READS. Also, when someone bashes another's religion, that does not automatically make them an Atheist. Most are very good and informed people that do not want to see a second Dark Age due to Scientific illiteracy and religious fundamentalism in our education systems. So go on and listen to music and fantasize about punching those with whom you disagree. The adults are having a debate."

"I have friends who are atheists.  They are tolerant of my beliefs and don't insult it by saying "atheism is the only logical choice".  They respect my beliefs as I respect theirs.
And yes, atheism is a BELIEF.  There is no proof FOR nor AGAINST a God or multiple gods or whatever.  It's just non-existent.  In a general sense, as plenty of believers find proof for God's existence.  If you can't prove one direction or the other then everything is just a belief or a theory.
And how did I start insulting you?  I explained how you were coming across - albeit, I could have been nicer about it - and was a little upset by you in fact tossing other people's emotions and feelings out the window like they didn't matter.  By claiming God is like the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

"I'm sure many want to believe in supernatural spirits and some religion's promise of an afterlife. But cannot due to their critical thinking skills, logic, Scientific knowledge." <-- that, there, right there, insults anyone who is religious.  You're saying they DON'T have critical thinking skills, that those who have a religion DON'T have logic, that those who have a religion DON'T have scientific knowledge.

And yes, the atheist in the video was an actor... portraying something that real atheists do in real life, to not just Christians but other religions.  Similar to - GASP - what you're doing right now.

Also, re-reading my post, I never insulted you or called you names.  I told you what you're doing was not okay.  Maybe not in the politest most nicey-nice way, but in a decent, considerate manner.  Which is more than you're giving me =/

As for my comments to +Dai Qibao - he's kind of acting like a child.  You know those people you don't want to argue with?  Yeah, yeah.  He's being one of THOSE people.
No offense to Dai, of course.  We all act like that sometimes.  It's okay. (:"

G. Erwin:
"Really? Uhh Saying that 'believing' there is no God is like 'believing' there's no tooth fairy or Thor is not comparing the two. And you were insulting and name calling. BTW the burden of proof is on those making outrageous claims (like Noah's Ark). One does not 'believe' in rejecting those claims without proof. Atheism is not a belief. You're wrong. Typing 200 more lines of saying otherwise will not make it so. I'm done with you. Go away!"

"Still no name-calling.  You're not being very nice.  You were dismissing and belittling.  Also being butthurt.  Lol, did I get to you? ;)  I did say something about Dai's behavior that can resemble name-calling but I did not directly call him "childish"; simply his behavior was childish.  Which happens to everyone.  Also that "go away" was rude.

How old are you, 12?  I'm 18 years old and acting more mature than you.  You need to calm down and stop being a giant prick.


I would let you have the last word, but I'm a bit stubborn in that I don't want it to seem like you chased me off (:"

G. Erwin:
"18? Act more like 14 with special needs. Explains the ignorance and hippie-like naivete. Look Faith, by definition, is essentially the ability to suspend logic and reason for a belief. Example one who understands(not believes in) gravity but believes that Jesus walked on water, rose from the dead, moved the large boulder from his tomb, and accent into Heaven. Pointing out that when one is unable to continue doing so, usually begins one's path to Atheism is a legitimate argument. Your ignorance of simple terms deserves dismissing and belittling.  If you want to argue or debate an issue, KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT! Especially if you are going to insult. Act Stupid, you'll be called out. Lesson here. Not all ideologies are equal, nor deserve equal treatment. Now back to the kiddie table with you! you are not ready to sit with the adults."
[1:02:27 AM] Kunabee Tiger: Kunabee:
"Okay, seriously, science for me is totally valid and has in some cases even proved my religion.  And how have I acted stupid?  I've been polite-ish, though somewhat frustrated - obviously, because of your childish behavior.
Childish behavior that the 3 friends I sent our conversation too definitely agreed you have.
And how do I have ignorance of simple terms?  Faith, dictionary definition, right here: .

How have I been ignorant?  How have I been naive?  I have name-called once.  I have been kind overall.
You have dismissed religions, called me a child and said I don't belong with the adults, called me ignorant, said that I have my panties in a twist when I clearly do not, yelled "GO AWAY!" like a petulant teenager, claimed I have special needs (which, by the way, is extremely rude to people that might actually have special needs and never, ever okay), and basically have acted and retaliated like a giant bully.

You need to go to the kiddie table.

Not to mention, I have given rebuttals and responses to what you've said, usually avoiding any name-calling, while you call me names and give these half-hearted explanations.

One of my friends pointed out that you might think I'm claiming that belief in science and belief in religion is the same thing.  I am by no means of the word claiming that it is it the same thing.  I never have stated that.

I have simply told you that you should not belittle anyone else's beliefs, which you have been doing.  Believe in God or not, but don't be rude about religion."

G. Erwin:
"Yawn..ya still there? I'm not reading past the 'read more' on your post . It's more cliche & waste of time. Hahahahaha! Science 'proved my religion" Ok nutbag. How 's this for rude. Fuck off weirdo!"

"You're an idiot.  At first I thought there was hope for you to being tolerant and kind, but now I realize you are either a troll or too self-centered to ever consider other people's feelings.  Have fun dying alone."

^ - also reporting G. Erwin for harassment and not going to respond to any more threads of his.  So glad I discovered G+'s report feature.

"Why do you pretend in gods"

I made a comment about wanting to punch him in the face.  And then I said "but I'll go listen to music instead" and he respond "and what will you pretend?"



This is beyond annoying.  I am alternating between "lol are these people really that stupid???" and "OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IGNORANT BIGOTS".

Like, honestly.

I get why people have these horrid stereotypes about religions and stuff.  Because I know it's not just atheists who do a complete "HERP A DURP I'MMA STUPID BEEEGOT".

I just.



Be a nice person.

I just.


At this point he is name-calling me to high heaven and being this complete pissed off jerk and I'm just semi-calm.  Not perfect, of course.

And this sort of shit has been going on for a while, this is just where I finally cut in the conversation.

I just.
Be nice.

Do not dismiss and belittle people because their beliefs are different from yours.


Fine, call science and say it's not, there's lots of proof and crap and observations we can make.









So frustrated, so done.

So kids:
Be nice, be decent, be kind.
That's the overall lesson to take from this.

Tolerance and love and compassion and all that jazz.  That makes people happy and like you and you're happy too and everything is okay and all sunshine and butterflies!

Though apparently some people hate me for my positive attitude, I discovered that recently.  Go to 4chan if you want darkness you noob.

...Yeah I'm in a really weird tangential mood right now and it's like past 1 AM and I don't know what is life.

*deep breath*

*publishes this*