Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Best Friend Conversations

Those little conversations you can have with only one person in the whole entire universe.  Those BEST FRIEND conversations.
That span hours, or just a few minutes, and make life right.

They feel good.

Whether she's counseling me or I'm counseling her or we're raging at the world because BOYS SUCK and LIFE SUCKS and IT'S SCARY, you know...

They just make you feel better.  Happier.

She's the only person I've had this with.  A peer, a discussion of equals, and someone who knows me so well.  All my little secrets.  We're flawed.
It's perfect.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

More Than Love

So this is love.
I have found it, I have it in my hands, breathing, alive.
I recognize it and realize it and I have bated breath.
This is how love happens.
By chance, by circumstance, by unexpected.
Oh, sure enough it can come from dating sites,
But you’ll never see it forced into being,
Summoned up from a desperate need to date someone.
No, love is accidental and happenstance,
Coming from years of friendship or a chance meeting over coffee -
Or, yes, a dating site.
It is more than “I love you”,
It is when “I love you” is the only way to explain all the words you can’t say,
All the noises and silences and glances that have no words,
When “I love you” means put down the toilet seat
Or pick up the mop,
When “I love you” means forever and eternity and, yes,
“I love you”.
The fairytales don’t write down this part because this part of love is hard.
See, it starts with the sparks, the chemistry,
The way you walk on air.
It ends, ultimately, with anger, and fighting -
And a ring.
Because it is 3 AM and you are whispering “I love you”
After a broken heart and screaming and the threat of someone sleeping on the couch.
It is couples counseling, love, it is holding tight to each other because you are more than lovers,
You are best friends.
It is beyond that, though: it is more intimate than love, more intimate than friendship;
It is knowing exactly what makes him happy or makes her cry,
Knowing all the flaws and all the perfections and saying
“I love you”
And meaning: “I smile when you smile”,
“I want to make you happy when you cry”,
“I want to be here forever”;
It is realizing that sometimes the way to make them happiest
Is to leave, and you’ll leave,
Because their happiness is so much more important than anything else.
It is placing all of their needs before your own;
It is more than that, it is them doing the same.
When you are both on pedestals you’re still equal.
It is give and take, it is an elaborate dance.
It is: “You’re too good for me” on both ends,
And sitting up late to hold them tight.
This is love.
It is true love, it is real, it is rare and it is raw.
It is a mother to her child,
It is everything I want in life.
Someone who loves me this way.
It is the only perfect, unconditional love, because it is not love.
It is more than love, it is more than that word
We throw around all the time
“I love your dress” “I love that TV show” No!
This is more than love this is better this is realer;
This is commitment and happiness and at the end of the day
You’d give anything to hold their hand.
You’d give anything to make them smile.
And at the end of the day, this sort of more-than-love cannot be given
If it is not received in equal measure.
This, this, is love -
The only love for me.

Holding Love

There are so many people out there.

Good people, bad people.

But people.

Who make mistakes.  Who are flawed.

And who lift your heart up so high you feel like you may never come back down.

I love you for who you are

Wiping away my fears in an instant.

Reading my mind, catching my soul,

And healing my heart, more than it's ever been before.

So this is love.

Not Cinderella's midnight dance, not Sleeping Beauty's kiss.

Learning that you're beautiful.

It's finding someone who will love you always.

That's my boyfriend.

Some day you'll be hearing wedding bells.

(but that's a ways away, promise)

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Nonconformist (Dear Society)

Dear Society,
I will not conform to your propaganda of hate and lack of self-esteem.
I will not grin and bear it, I will be no sheep following the rest.
I will be a leader, a revolutionary, and my own person.
If I happen to wear jeans and t-shirts it’s because I want to.
As you can see, I am a girl who goes makeup free.
(most of the time, anyway; sometimes it’s fun to wear).
So dear, depraved society,
You will not make a victim or a villain out of me.
I am self-defining eloquent cause, reading the next clause
In a contract that will sign away my soul ultimately.
No, I will not follow your lead,
I walk to my beat of my own drum and that is how I will succeed.
Oh, dear, downtrodden society,
The victims here are the ones in poverty,
And the villains are the ones who think politics will help anything.
No, I’m not inclined to follow along, a dutiful clone;
I’m too individual, too damn original, to bow to anyone’s throne.
My dear, degenerate society,
Shall I point out your blatant discrepancies?
At the risk of seeming like an asshole,
Your color-based scholarships and affirmative action make you look like a racist.
Why? Simple as this - you’re saying only whites can achieve without any pitying help.
Oh, whine all you’d like about how it’s clearly right,
How we’re undoing all our past mistakes -
But darling, dearest, dependant one, we don’t need to atone for other people’s wrongs,
Wasn’t that kind of, um, Jesus’s thing?
I see in your eyes you still don’t understand,
So dear, denying society,
Take a glance in a mirror, check out your vanity.
Your piercings and tattoos are fine enough,
But do you really need your boobs to fall out of your bras,
And your butt cracks to show because your pants are so low?
My dear, delicate society,
I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings - not,
But honestly, you really need to grow up.
We’re not in the 1900’s anymore,
It’s 2015 and sheep are way, way out of style.
Plus your judgements get really old after a while.
Oh, dear, dependant society,
Stop relying on someone else for the answers.
It’s easy enough to fall in the same old fads,
Harder to keep up and hardest to be glad.
Dear Society,
At the end of the day we all make mistakes.
But could you stop oppressing, like, everyone,
Regardless of class, skin tone, and mental abilities -
Seriously, it’s getting just a little old.

Monday, March 2, 2015

For A Friend

I don’t know you that well; I know you as “Wolf Mounds” which sounds really quite silly if you say it aloud but I mean hey, its a name.
I hope 12pt Times New Roman is pleasant enough, and that it wont be completely ruined when transferred to my blog.
I am excited to see words as you see them, colored specifically instead of the way I imagine it;
I love the idea of brown looking orange, the way the words twist and comprehend and redefine themselves because everything is different.
I can imagine, I can dream, and certainly I see in my minds eye colors of my own -
But imagine if it were bright, always recolored all the time!
(For those of you who arent the recipient of this poem,
The man called “Wolf Mounds” is a roleplay partner,
Who happens to have synesthesia.)
I do believe in education, the freedom of information, and what glorious path the words take now that we have such an ability to share what we write.
Anyway, thanks for putting up with my tendency to write, and my want to see things the way you see them;
I hope this provides enough variety of color, that for the brief process of reading this poem,
People can see things just a little differently.
You never know exactly how youll change the world.

Some additional information: The aforementioned "Wolf Mounds" has synesthesia. His name is based off of Indian mounds, which are as he explained basically mounds of dirt Native Americans made in a variety of shapes. So a... wolf mound!
He is also autistic and has a degree in archeology (which is the artifacts, as opposed to paleontology (dinosaur bones) or anthropology (human remains). He works for home writing instruction manuals for things :P
So all in all he's a really cool guy of awesome and if you ever get the chance to meet him appreciate the fabulousness!
(also please note that the colors are approximations and not exact due to the limits of a computer versus a human mind)