Everyone has a story. Everyone has a life.
What is the meaning and the value?
The value is unable to be calculated.
The meaning is beyond understanding (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – the number 42. Well obviously this is just a bizarre answer. Make it up as you go along.)
There’s always the what. And the why. And the how.
Questions that end up filling your head with circular thoughts.
And then there’s the hard times intermingled with all the bad.
And I ask this all the time:
“Who are you?”
It’s to myself. It’s sometimes to God.
Sometimes it’s to someone I’ve just glimpsed.
But it’s always kept in my head, bottled up and wrapped in a cloth.
It’s a question I’m too scared to ask. A question I’m too scared to answer.
And who am I to question God?
The thing is, I question him all the time.
I believe in Him. He is much greater and wiser than I am.
But to myself, I think, “He’s not perfect”. God is just as fallible as the rest of us. No wait. Not ‘just as’. Considerably less so. But not quite infallible.
Satan was once His son. Still is, really. He talks with the Devil. But the Devil can’t live with Him. And oh, I understand we must be tempted. I understand free will.
What parent hands their children everything on a silver platter? A bad one.
But then I think that something imperfect can’t be with God. Someone like me, as I am now, couldn’t live with God.
No, I’d need a Savior for that. Someone to make up for my sins. Which I have.
(Thanks, Dad in heaven).
Still, though. It all becomes a muddled mess.
Read the Bible. Polygamy left and right there. Sure, we don’t do it today. But what about in Heaven? Would it be allowed there?
My belief is that everyone has a Soulmate. Sometimes that Soulmate isn’t encountered until after death. But you’ll find your One True Love eventually. With patience and kindness and love.
But then polygamy. What then? What if it is allowed in Heaven? So Kings of old in the Bible have multiple wives… Family is forever, after all.
Disturbing, isn’t it?
And there’s more. Gays. I mean, being gay was something… originally created… by God… sort of. A genetic thing that happened to occur. Slash being effected by the world around you.
Honestly, I don’t give a crap if someone marries someone of the same gender. God is a merciful person. He would want us to be happy here on this painful Earth, even if it went against His wishes.
After all, one can’t control the heart. As we know from books and movies and games and even real life. Yeah love is sort of a random occurrence. When it’s more than the puppycrushes of high school. Those may be borne of desperation.
But then there’s the Soulmates. Shouldn’t there be a chance to connect with the Soulmate on Earth? I mean…
So it just confuses me. And frustrates me.
Obviously God is considerably more perfect than I am. I said He wasn’t perfect and then turned around and said He was… He is as perfect as He possibly could be, I believe. As anyone could possibly be. Wise and omniscient. Meaning He sees all possibilities, all choices, all futures.
He never knows the choice we’ll make until we make it, however.
And even then, All Things exist Simultaneously.
It’s sort of like a science fiction novel.
One of those head-banging ones.
And maybe I shouldn’t question God. He’s ten million times wiser than I am – or may ever be – after all. But my dad here on Earth taught me to question. everything. (politics man)
I think I have a right to question even God. It’s how your testimony grows. It’s how you learn, explore, test your boundaries.
How could I know of Him if I do not question my heart, my friends, my family, and then Him, first?
So right now I’m in the learning stages. Eventually I’ll understand the whys of these. If it’s after death, then so be it. Though it’d be really nice to know now.
Yes, God, I know you’re seeing this.
Please help me understand?
…Yes, I do talk to Him aloud ALL THE TIME in the middle of conversations.
And get teased mercilessly for it.
But then again, I get teased mercilessly for a lot of things.
Mormon Christian who believes that fairies and unicorns and mermaids and etc. exists and thinks her stuffed animals are alive.
I’m getting teased and treated as an outcast.
Woo-hoo. People are meanies.
At least God… understands my questioning. That’s one thing I can take comfort in. He understands all my weirdness. Even when my parents don’t (and they really DON’T understand that stuff), He does. Small mercies.
Now God, help my parents out? I love You, but You know how I am… I need the Earthly, too.
But really, I’d just like to have some answers.
In the Name of Thy Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.
(weird broken-paced post COURTESY OF The Ting Tings – We started Nothing. Oh music, how it affects us all.)