NaNoWriMo

It's NaNoWriMo yet again, and for me that means writing the sequel to the Unicorn Valley.  It wasn't like I was active here before, but I'm probably going to be tired from hyperfocus on writing my novel.

Word Count calendar counter is over there.  Need more widgets :P

Last year I had a Pokemon, which is cool.

Here she is, in all of her glory declaring that I did, in fact, complete the NaNoWriMo word count:



Isn't she purdy?

This year, I have another Pokemon, although I tried looking for a different widget.  Alolan Vulpix hoy!



Anyway...

Happy Noveling!

Best Foot Forward

Here I am, walking the tightrope again;
It's one foot forward (best foot forward)
And hoping like a nightmare, fingers crossed
That I don't fall like I have before.

I can almost reach the sun
I can almost open my wings to fly -
I'm no Icarus, there's no 'too close'
I just have the need to be free.

I am twelve steps away from the edge
And a deep breath from coming back down
I'll write my words on my skin
If only to remember who I am.

There is a puzzle I know I'll never solve
And sometimes life is being okay with that.
In some ways, I am so infinitely small
But then, infinity never began.

I am a flower not yet bloomed,
I am a pearl still hiding in the clam;
Don't forget me, don't regret this -
Tomorrow the sun will rise again.

Here I am, at the end of the tightrope.
Best foot forward and despair behind me.
Hope was a nightmare but I made it here
Though I've fallen before.

I've opened my wings to fly
And danced in starlight and sunlight alike -
There's no need to be afraid of day or night
When the universe is on your side.

I am twelve steps away from triumph
And a deep breath away from fear
I've written my words on my skin
And I do remember who I am.

Somehow the puzzle, impossible, I've solved it;
But I'm still okay with the ones I haven't.
In some ways, I am so infinitely big.
But then, infinity never ends.

I am a rose the likes of which you've never seen,
I am a string of pearls that are stories;
Don't regret this, I won't forget this -
And today the sun rose again.

You have words to speak and to write,
You have a voice, small and bright.

Please come to understand the world is wrong,
Life is worth singing, a living breathing song.

I found this in my drafts.  I have nothing to finish it with.  So, here.  Enjoy something short and sweet.

Hero

Of the ash and dust that's around me,
I will make myself the hero I need.
The sky's turned black with memory
And there's only fear as far as the eye can see.

With everything lost, and despair the seed,
I will find the hope I have not yet sought.
I am ill-prepared, but I don't yet bleed
From all the scratches and scarecrows I read.

At the end of the world, I stood and fought;
And in the ashes, I am still determined to breathe.
Though I'm trapped, and the ropes pulled taut
I will not give in and perish the thought.


Around me, it seems the darkest storms seethe -
Wild and dark, yet they do not touch me -
And now at the end my sword, I sheathe -
While hope, lingering, a baby that teethes.

I am the hero that I've wanted to be,
Stronger than the stories you've shared.
I am a hero, of my own desperate plea
And have become more than I've dreamed.

I Retreat To Words

Here I am, and I retreat to words again.
I am burning up inside, smoke spilling out of my lungs
And I choke, halting, giving up my nature and pushing something else there instead.
It is stones and rock and I am sinking
But the water does not quench the fire
And instead there are two things on which to suffocate.

I am broken-hearted and shattered across the floor,
Put together with tape and glue as I fight everything that's wrong with me,
As I climb over the ladder and scream to the stars.
I will not fail here.
No matter how broken.

I am still living, I am still screaming - a voice alone is still a voice,
A voice unheard is a voice worth hearing, worth listening to.
So give me my voice and let me build myself up -
Use the words I've always known, and make something of myself
That is not the past but the coming dawn, tides that save the starfish in the pools.

I find myself making metaphors and mysteries,
Crafting tabloids and falsities,
As I smile and lie until I feel better inside.
I love myself at last, and that means anger and rage and boundaries and
I can finally say part of me at least is pure and utter spite.

The headlines ring like bells as I remember who I am,
Dirt and grass and someone who loves with all she is.
I will not forget, there's only room for forgiving
If you want to keep yourself sane and breathing.

I am smoke, water, tape and glue - a fire raging, an inferno burning
The story of the starfish and the world, footprints in the sand,
A soul brighter than anything that tries to quench its potential.
And I know this hurts - fuck, it hurts! - but I am still something.

Here's the line in the sand: I am worth knowing
And I will not turn a person away but for the breaking
So if I am out of your life, remember -
This one's all on you.  Envy my wings as I fly.

Here I am, and I retreat to words again,
Because words are the only friends worth loving -
And I spin my web and build my walls and wait for someone else to do the breaking,
That maybe 'shattered' is enough and being broken is a thing worth doing -
I am worth being.

Still Alive

SO!

I'm in Utah now.  I hate it.  I wish I was not in Utah.

I... made a plan to, by the upcoming Saturday, have written what amounts to about 45k words (overestimating, though); divided up it equaled 3.5k words or something per day, as I planned this on Tuesday.

Three days ago I started playing Furcadia.  And Toontown.  And have now completely gotten sidetracked.

Goddamnit.  Why am I like this.

ANYWAY.  In other news, I'm currently working on a skin for a dream in Furcadia, and... have not played as much Toontown as I was planning on.  Oh well.  Either way, I'm going to... make a dream in Furc... and that'll happen.  Maybe.

I also have more writing to do.

But hey!  A blog update!  Yeehaw!  If I can keep this consistent, maybe I can get working on Talisman and my fanfics!

OH YEAH - I have a beta reader who is actually BETA READING.  So that's nice.  I also had another person besides my mother read the prologue and chapter one.  Sooo... hopefully this individual will read through chapter two when he's done with chapter one.  I've been editing for him, so it's been a fun bout of... semi-productivity.

Also, I can type Japanese on my computer.

日本語をちょっとまってはなします。Thanks to Duolingo, anyway.

It's been nice.  Maybe I'll get my shit together and start earning money from writing.  Maybe.  Furcadia is just another possible source... I mean, I'm pretty good at editing graphics these days, if I do say so myself.  I could make skins for people's dreams.  Custom skins are pretty.  Custom graphics are pretty.  I may have like 1 art skill but dangit, I can put other pictures together and even art some basic things.

Is it weird that the different layout for my blog startled me?  Yeah, I saw it and was kind of like "what the heck...?"

And then I remembered and reread a few posts.

I REALLY need to get back to posting regularly.  Maybe I can schedule something on a calendar or set an alarm?

We'll see.

Hello yes the years-old layout has been improved and is now updated.

I like this much better.

More changes are to come.  I'm ready to get my shit together.

What a miracle.

Let's Talk

Oh, hey.

I don't know if anyone still reads this.  I was posting infrequently in the first place, and then I missed three whole months.  Two whole months?  Whatever.  Multiple years of at least one post a month and I totally killed the thing.

I'm moving to Utah.  I'm not looking forward to it.

I finished my novel.  My beta readers are slow and only one is actually doing what they're supposed to... that is, beta read.

I have a reasonable number of projects (that is, less than five) and I am slowly working on them.  I'm hoping to set up a Patreon next month, and have my projects being published.

So I've been kind of dead on my feet, lately.  I have no energy.

But if you're still here, so am I.

And BOY does my layout need an update.  My blog needs a BIG update.

So I'll work on that at some point.  Maybe.

Yup yup.