I Retreat To Words

Here I am, and I retreat to words again.
I am burning up inside, smoke spilling out of my lungs
And I choke, halting, giving up my nature and pushing something else there instead.
It is stones and rock and I am sinking
But the water does not quench the fire
And instead there are two things on which to suffocate.

I am broken-hearted and shattered across the floor,
Put together with tape and glue as I fight everything that's wrong with me,
As I climb over the ladder and scream to the stars.
I will not fail here.
No matter how broken.

I am still living, I am still screaming - a voice alone is still a voice,
A voice unheard is a voice worth hearing, worth listening to.
So give me my voice and let me build myself up -
Use the words I've always known, and make something of myself
That is not the past but the coming dawn, tides that save the starfish in the pools.

I find myself making metaphors and mysteries,
Crafting tabloids and falsities,
As I smile and lie until I feel better inside.
I love myself at last, and that means anger and rage and boundaries and
I can finally say part of me at least is pure and utter spite.

The headlines ring like bells as I remember who I am,
Dirt and grass and someone who loves with all she is.
I will not forget, there's only room for forgiving
If you want to keep yourself sane and breathing.

I am smoke, water, tape and glue - a fire raging, an inferno burning
The story of the starfish and the world, footprints in the sand,
A soul brighter than anything that tries to quench its potential.
And I know this hurts - fuck, it hurts! - but I am still something.

Here's the line in the sand: I am worth knowing
And I will not turn a person away but for the breaking
So if I am out of your life, remember -
This one's all on you.  Envy my wings as I fly.

Here I am, and I retreat to words again,
Because words are the only friends worth loving -
And I spin my web and build my walls and wait for someone else to do the breaking,
That maybe 'shattered' is enough and being broken is a thing worth doing -
I am worth being.