Saturday, October 5, 2013


You know, you'd think that with my friends I wouldn't have to deal with the shit I have to deal with.  You think that I wouldn't get the "nobody does this" or the "everybody does that" comments.  But still I get them.  Yeah, I'm a freaking nobody.  People actually have the audacity to wonder why I struggle with self-esteem when, inadvertently or not, they are constantly calling me a 'nobody'.

I have never been accepted, I have never found someone who can appreciate me.

And I can't freaking say anything, because every time I do all of a sudden it's my fault I'm the nobody.  I'm the one who gets punished, I'm the one who gets blamed, I'm the one who is the 'instigator'. Because I have the gall to stand up for myself.

Even with my mother, she can't even stand to be wrong just once.  Oh, she's okay with me being right.  As long as she's not wrong.  But as soon as I suggest she may be remembering something wrong, or she may have done something, she gets pissed off.  Even when her voice is clearly frustrated, while my voice is perfectly calm, she claims I'm the "pissy one".  Really?  Because that is sure as hell not what it stands like.

Of course I have no self-esteem.  I am a nobody, I am always wrong, it is always my fucking fault.

And where has God been?  Certainly not answering the prayers that I can't say.

Because I can't say shit.  As soon as I speak up, I get beaten down.  And I get that enough from my silence.

Of course I'm suicidal.

Nobody fucking cares.


  1. Ok, since you wouldn't talk to me, I knew this was where you would let it out. Of course you are somebody. You are my sweet girl. You are my precious child. You are the same to your friends - their good, kind, always-there-for-others friend. When you're too tired or too hungry or whatever, you start to get upset and confuse your feelings. But no need to go so negative, right? Use your skills, talk to your mom when I'm asking you to talk to me and don't expect me to remember your character in Animal Crossing because you've mentioned it a few times, okay? All is well. I love you. Mama

  2. Hey I think you should listen to Colton Dixon's "Never Gone". I think that it will really help you. And you are a somebody, it's just people can't see that.