Destiny

The broken shattered hand that reached out for trust and faith,
Put your faith in it, little ones, for it's all that remains,
And the more you try the less you recieve,
It can never be anyone's sweetest bitter dream.
The indecision, hover, waiting to make the right move,
The right time is irreplaceable even if you knew.
And so, glory to the cold-hearted cruel ones,
While we remain weak in the merciless chains of love,
But somehow we doubt that it is evil.
Raise your head up somehow, past the bounds of their jealousy,
Reach your hand high and up and out, waiting to see,
Because if you try the trust and faith route,
Then miracles are beyond destiny.

A poem written in the style of "Reflection" (another one of my poems).  I'm pretty proud of it.  It's more hopeful then "Reflection" is ;P

But I wish my dad could make up his mind...

It

The anger in the voices, I hear them all,
They scream and shout and I begin to doubt
Who am I?  Am I even worthwhile?
It's a hard sad fact when you're powerless.

It's the screaming and the slamming doors
The cracking glass on the broken windows
The walking out, not knowing if he'll come back
And wondering if you even love him.

It's the whispered prayer,
The door closed and the choked sobs,
Music's up even more, then louder,
So you can't hear a word.

It's the forgotten papers laying on your desks,
And dreams and hopes that shatter,
It's you wondering if this family can be forever,
And if he even loves you.

It's the slap across the face as your heart breaks,
Knowing things can never be the same,
And doubting that it will get better.
You've given him chances.

It's the slamming doors and screaming voices,
The cracking glass of the broken window,
The walking out, hoping he'll never come back,
Wondering if you're finally free.

It's the feeling bad because you don't know,
When it becomes empty once again,
It's the wondering if he even cares,
The regret you hold for not being better.

The knowledge it's all his fault,
The belief that it's all yours,
And your mother cries you know she's hurting,
You want to be strong but don't know if you can.

The taste of anger; there's nothing more bitter,
It freezes and burns and tries to break you
I'm hoping he'll walk away but that he'll stay
What was good, is no longer.

Is he going to walk out again?
Mama just say go if he doesn't,
I want him gone from this place forever,
I remember a happy time.

Daddy why can't you get a grip?
I've lost control of all I've known
Please just let go of the hate that's consumed you;
Either that, or walk out.

If you're gonna leave the thing that's worth it,
If you're gonna turn your back on keeping us together,
Then get out because I don't wanna see you ever again,
Oh but Lord, just let him stay and get things better.

It's not worth it to feel this pain
It's not worth it to cry.
I'm not bitter, I'm just cold.
I'm sick of all the hope being broken.

...My parents are fighting again.  I wonder if it'll ever get better.  Daddy, don't leave the church.  I already doubt if I love you.  I already doubt if you love us.
Don't prove that you don't.
Don't make it worse.

Untitled Poem

Today is today and tomorrow is another,
Just one step at a time with fingers crossed,
But I trip and fall, don't we all loose out?
With the things we forget and the things we don't know,
It seems that knowledge comes in broken-down pieces,
And in the end it seems sad and strange,
An eternity turned to dust.

I don't know what I am I don't know what I'm doing,
All I know is that I'm a terrified little girl,
And in many ways I feel so old because as I wander,
Knowledge too big for one head to handle,
Knowledge unknown is too much to handle,
It'll all be gone one day.

So I try to put my faith and trust out there,
While still trying to survive,
Who else is there to do it?  Who else could be me?
The answer is nobody.
We're born of hatred instead of love
We're given scorn instead of good,
And we could never remember how much we're loved.

But I believe in someone called God,
He sent His Only Son to Earth,
So I can only remember that I am loved.
I raised to believe that I am powerful, wonderful, beautiful,
And that the whole world is the same.
All we need is a little love,
And it's a whole eternity changed

Events of Today.

Yaay.  I needed to type one of these!  Two events.  Yaaay.

Event #1: This is a second-hand story with a few parts with me.  There's boys A, B, and C.  So Boy A throws salsa at Boy B, and it gets aaallll over his favorite shirt.  Boy B tells Boy C and they both call Boy A the n-word without actually saying it.  Now, I hate the n-word.  I despise it.  I wish it never was.  But it exists.  So waaahhh about things I can never change.  But Boy B and Boy C are some of my friends (Boy B being a best friend) and I didn't like hearing the disrespectfulness of them using such an awful word.  I don't think Boy A was black, so... but I'm not sure because I don't know Boy A.  Not like using the n-word is ever okay.

Event #2: I got nominated for Pride of the Pride awards.  I had an honorable mention for Communicater.  YAAAYYY!  Anyway.  This leads me to thinking.
1) There are a lot of people out there who are still excited about life and are half-decent.  I think I know why - one, I can be really quiet and shy (according to my mother at certain times, I have "self-adviocacy issues").  Two, I can be really loud and all get-out-there.  I think this dual nature might be a little frighening, no?
2) All my good traits come from my compassion.  I have an honest-to-goodness heart about people.  And even when I've done bad stuff (mostly... *shiftyeyes*) it's because I've been caring about someone (including myself.  Hey!  I need to take care of me too ;P)

Anyway.  That's all.
Wow.  Shorter then I expected.

REMINISCING:
Three events in third grade.  I had my worst behavior then.
1) I told a teacher who shall be dubbed Mrs. B to go to heck.  Literally heck, NOT the other word.  One week on the WALL.  No recess play-time, basically.
2) I tried to sign a kid's slip that his dad wasn't given/didn't sign.  One day on the Wall.
3) Two boys were tormenting me and saying that in a month, they'd shoot everyone down in the school.  I responded with, "Well, in a month when I learn to play my flute, I'll call birds to peck your eyes out so you can't!"  They got to Mrs. S (who I didn't like, and never smiled except for ONCE (at me, too ;P) and didn't like anybody) first.  I had to go to the Principal's Office.  The two boys?  They got off scott-free ;-;  Me, who was a good kid except for the first two events, got the Wall for a week.
And another event:
4) I pulled on a girl's scarf because she was eating the first snow of the year, and my parents had told me that was bad.  The next snow I ate some, and was embarrassed because she saw me.  Haven't cared either way since.

Strong?

Currently what I'm feeling about life and what I have to do.  This deep thinking is going to get to me...

Butterfly spread your wings,
Breaking on your own -
I would help but
You must be strong.

Little bird hatch on your own,
I'm waiting for you -
I would help but
Could you be strong?

Now I see you need to fly,
So I will catch your eye,
And guide you along the road
If you'll guide me too.

Baby I know you were created so new,
But right now I cannot help you -
You must do this part on your own,
It's the only way the world can be shown.

I need to ask,
Does anybody else feel so old
At so young?
A distance.

I want to run back to my mother,
Hide behind her knees,
Let her make all my decisions,
But I must stand alone.

I'll have help on my way,
And it's always the same,
Sometimes alone, sometimes together,
A cold change.

Does knowledge of death
Really matter?
When there's knowledge of "gone",
I'm sure that's enough.

So I stare at the sky and pray
I get enough of both either way,
I will come out of this strong,
And I won't walk the whole way alone.

So I bow my head and pray
Guide me are the words,
But if I leave everything on everyone else's shoulders,
I will not come out strong.

When Will it End?

I was going to write a long essay.  Then I was going back to a poem.  And now... it's just what's coming out.
This writing is about the way we treat each other.  We're two-faced liars.  EVERYONE.  Even America, founded off of values of freedom and equality, is bitter.  Slavery, the way the whites treated the Native Americans...
And you know, Hitler got how to eliminate the Jews by how America pushed the Native Americans around, never keeping promises.
And the words we use to each other, MAN, we can be so AWFUL.  The n-word and the r-word (used for mentally handicapped kids) are NOT okay.  Ever.  It's always insulting people, always tormenting and being a jerk.  Words hurt.  A lot.  I don't know about other countries (or... other anything really), but I know for sure in my area it's really bad.
If we're going to continue to do this, how can we help anyone?  People are dying.  Every.  Single.  Day.  Why?  Because of something as pathetic as race!  There was a genocide because one type of Africans had lighter skin then the other type!  Not everyone's African, but we are all people.  Where has the respect for human life gone?
Having something as AWFUL as what's been happening AT LEAST in the last two hundred years shows a disrespect for life in general, I'd even go as far to say it's a disrespect to creation.  We're here, aren't we?  Shouldn't we be looking out for each other and helping each other?
Rather then killing people.
Rather then driving people to killing themselves.
Greed.  It's overwhelming.  But MAN, in my experience, all greed does it result in death and suffering.  For you Christians out there, Jesus preached of love.  "Love thy neighbor as thyself."  That's all it is.  And instead, we choose to hate our hearts out.
Hate, hate, hate.
We're all so full of hate.
It's time to change.  It's time to turn this around.
But I can't do anything but make sure I'm nice.  I can't tell you to be nice; I can't enforce it.  All I can do is stand (sit) here and rant my head off.
And now I'm just going to ask, keep asking what I've finally started asking, keep asking what I've finally learned, after two dang centuries of hatred and ignorance and probably a heck of a lot more then that.
When will it end?  When will it end?
When will we learn?
When will it end?

Tired Heart (poem)

Weak in the knees,
Giddy from the hope,
It's almost right, it's almost there,
And all comes crashing down again.

And when I scream I hate you,
It's the last time tomorrow,
For a heart that doesn't hate,
I sure do say that a lot.

I'm a tired heart that's broken-ended,
But I'll pick myself back up.
Love and smiles and laughs and hugs,
That's what I'm made up of.

Stare at the sky,
Give another shifty eyes,
Pray their attitude won't ruin the suprise,
Any goodness had is gone.

And when you scream go away
You swear you won't do it again
But you do, like we always do.
For a heart that doesn't hate you sure can hate.

You're a tired heart that's broken-ended
Don't know if you can pick yourself up
Everyone's just so bitter and cold
So silently pray.

That stillness in our hearts
Is a place that died long ago
In all the pain and frustration
We decided to just let go.

Tomorrow is another day
So instead of bad scream good
I love this screwed up world
And cross your heart and pray.

We're all tired hearts that are broken-ended
Trying to pick ourselves up.
We don't know what we're made of,
But whatever it is, it can be great.