Wednesday, August 31, 2011


I am staring at the window.
It is empty, with a world that is full.
It is just a view, an image, a reflection.
Reflections can be all that are beautiful.
And I look in the mirror, I tell myself things.
"You are beautiful, they are jealous.
You are strong, they are insecure.
You are more, you have a Savior you know.
Don't forget yourself."
So I go through the day, a prayer in my heart.
A prayer that I will carry throughout the day.
It's a prayer about finding what to say when I grow weak.
A prayer about finding what to feel when I loose hope.
Because I believe in Christ, and my Heavenly Father, despite all the pain.
It's hard lots for everybody.
I come home crying anyway.
How can my Savior not be enough?
This is what keeps me going right now.
I am just looking for something to know.
It will be something to keep me strong when everything goes wrong.
The words that I can say will be something to keep forever.
Because, right now, it's not forever.
Right now it's only a minute, maybe, if I'm lucky.

People keep telling me contradicting things.
"You don't count."
"You're beautiful just the way you are."
"You're ugly."
"You matter."
I wish they'd all make up their minds.
Am I worth it or not?
I want to find the words I can say all the time.
They will be sweet, and always in my mind.
And everytime I get down they'll bring me back up.
The honest truth is that everyone has given up hope in some way.
What happened to endless hope, and faith, and dreams, of childhood days?
Honestly, I'm still hoping.
I'm hoping that people are good inside when I always am proven wrong.
I'm hoping that somebody cares just because they can.
I'm hoping that it gets better.
I'm hoping that I'll be happier then I have been.
I'm hoping I'll see the light, because right now I don't see anything.
I'm hoping I'll realize I'm wrong.

I look in the dictionary.
Resolution has two meanings.
It means a solution, which isn't going to happen.
It means being resolved, saying you'll do something and then doing it.
So then I have a resolution in one way at least.
I won't die until I find the words I want, and then I won't feel a need.
All this is temperary, and it will change.
My heart speaks words, and I try to be happy.
So I put on the smile, check myself in the mirror.
I need that perfect story, that perfect thing to hold.
I won't be perfect even though I try.
I take a deep breath, and I find the words to say.
They have no expectation, no pressure.
And they feel right in every way.
It's just to simply be.
Because I can do nothing more then be me.
And so I will simply be.

No comments:

Post a Comment