Words to Say

Words once came easy,
They were endless and boundless.
Now I find it difficult
To even find words to say
"Hello, I missed you, I love you.
I'm angry at you but please come home,
I'm begging you to change."
And I can't even say the last part,
It's too hard on me.

My heart is aching, sore and tender,
There's a deep happiness in it,
Laughter and of youth,
But I feel just about ancient,
Feel like I've done all I could.
I'm stuck in a rut and I'm scared.
I'm just a little girl who's crying,
And I know why but I can't place words,
And the reasons are like the stars, anyway.

And when someone else is hurting,
I always blame myself,
I couldn't get there in time, I wasn't born soon enough,
Or maybe I didn't something wrong again.
So I smile and laugh and say I'm amazing,
While the whole time I'm feeling like I'm evil,
And wondering if both are wrong.
What was once so easy for me to see and feel,
Now I have no clue of the words to say.

And this is the best I can do,
Letting it all out in uneven words,
Echoes of my emotions falling into place,
I'm praying that someone will realize, will see,
That I'm not alone, but I can't explain what's wrong,
I know I'm different from everyone else,
But I'm uncertain just how far, and if that's special,
I am a daughter of God and I'm giving up.
I don't have the words to say why.