Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Trying To Write a Nice Post is Impossible With Lag

I have a lot of friends.

I'm pretty non-judgemental as an overall rule, and hang out with people of all types and appearances.  My one "rule" would be that you're nice.
(And I can judge for myself whether you're nice or not thanks.  I say this because depression makes one hate themselves.  Hating yourself means you don't think you're a good person.  So yes, I'm the judge on your level of kindness.)

This also means that I have a lot of misunderstandings.

I am a white female girl.  I say "female girl" because "female" and "male" are the biological things and then "girl/woman" and "boy/man" are the genders.
I was raised in a fairly sheltered environment.  And I'm an optimist and an idealist.

For someone who was raised in a different environment - one without supporting parents and an open-mindedness towards accepting all people - I might say things that seem insensitive.  I will definitely get annoyed when people complain about how they are bullied "because of" a facet of themselves.  (And get FREAKING PISSED at anyone who bullies someone, regardless.)

We all get bullied.  "Buck up", I'd say, except it sucks and bullying is terrible and it's not the victim's job to do anything but tell someone.  It's not "because of" you, it's because that person has a hard home life or low self-esteem or something else or all of the above.  So don't say that you're bullied "because of" a key component of your identity.  Yes, a key component of your identity might make someone scared or even jealous, but it's not "because of" you.  It has everything to do with the bully.

Saying that a key component of your identity is the reason you are bullied is not only false, it is heart breaking.

But that's way off track so let me get back onto focus.

I have a lot of misunderstandings.  I say things that are insensitive, sometimes, and sometimes I say things in a way that confuse people.  My life is a lot of people staring me at me blankly, not comprehending what I've just said because I used a big word or not realizing I was sarcastic.

I am honestly socially awkward, though you'd never realize it.  But I do tend to say things that don't make sense, make obscure references, and I don't have a TMI filter - anything is fair game.  Yes, including talking about "potty" things during lunch.  Which I've done.  True story.

But overall it means I end up in a lot of misunderstandings.  Don't misunderstand me; I love people.  I wish everyone could be happy.  But I usually say what I mean.  Sometimes I just don't explain it right.  For as eloquent as I am, I'm still very much broken and unable to speak or write the way I want and need to.

That's especially true when everything I type shows up several minutes later. e_e Stupid laptop...

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